Well, here we are. It is officially Race Week. The Chicago Marathon is swiftly approaching, and my emotions are akin to wet clothes in a dryer. Spinning. Twirling. Round and Round.
No joke. No moment I’m excited. The next, I’m on the verge of tears. Then, I’m in search of a barf bag! What is wrong with me!?
I’ve trained for months for this marathon, and I’m really doubting my abilities. I have a fear of endurance. Fear of hitting “the wall” at mile 18. Fear of going out to fast. Fear of no porta-potty. (Have I said, ‘what’s wrong with me?’) I’ve trained in heat. I’ve set 3:45am alarms for extra miles before work. I’ve followed a plan. So, why am I an emotional wreck?
I think it boils down to this. I set a goal, and want to hit it! This is not just about finishing the race. I’ve put pressure on MYSELF to hit a goal. That said, there won’t be a single person on Planet Earth that will be disappointed if, for some reason, I cannot hit my goal. There will be nothing but cheers and ‘hi-fives’ all around congratulating me on something that only 1% of the population has accomplished. I’m doing this to myself.
See, I have full confidence in the abilities of the friends that have trained alongside of me. I see their hard work. Their dedication. Their grit. So why can’t I see mine? I think it’s because it is all a mental game. I’ve put so much pressure on myself, that I’m only thinking about myself. It is so much easier to believe in someone else than it is to believe in yourself.
Training for a marathon has been as much, if not more, mental than physical. I’ve trained physically. Hours upon hours of time on my feet. I’ve made schedule sacrifices. Made time for the speedwork. But, I didn’t take into account that I would need to train mentally.
As I’ve reflected on my training, I’ve thought of the long weekend runs. The exhaustion. The stress. The friends who have had to drop out due to injury.
26.2 miles is a mental game. When do I take nutrition? What happens if the porta-potty runs out of TP before the race? When do I get into my corral? What time do I try and go to sleep?! (my heart is racing even as I type) Deep breath. (reflect) “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own“. (Matthew 6:34)
I trust in God to see me through this marathon. I really do. And, if you’ve put in the hard work before a race, an exam, a performance, you have to trust the training.
Maybe it is good that I am going through all of these emotions before the marathon. It has been ‘healthy’. I’ve cried. I’ve laughed. I’ve been nervous. Now, I just need to run by faith.
God’s got this! Go make a difference. Always run by faith.